Dear Mavis I'm compelled to write this letter
In the hope that you may soon be getting better
I've a feeling you should go and see a doctor
If you haven't then you know you really oughta
I was worried so I went to see the vicar
But before I could confess he first confessed to be a stripper
Dear Mavis it was very strange to see him
So I thought I'd write and ask your opinion
Should I grass on him, report him to the cardinal
Or wether I should egg him on to turn professional
If I dob on him they'll call him plastic scouser
But the only thing the stripper wears is plastic trousers
Mavis' opinion is all we really seek
Mavis' opinion is all we
Should we lie while he's still alive
Should we lie while he's still alive
'Cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it
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